Snow
by Crystalette
Summary: ...Because the snow doesn't stop falling as Shinichi doesn't stop wondering how different things would've been had he had enough courage to tell. Written in first person POV
1. Chapter 1

It never occurred to me why I was here in the first place. It was a 'before-you-know-it' type of feeling. Still, I didn't fail to notice that I was deteriorating day by day.

"It's snowing"

I glance beside me to see a pair of sapphire eyes entranced by the sight of pure white. This person is Kudo Shinichi, the only one who could see me for some reasons unknown to both him and me.

"Maybe tomorrow I'll take Genta, Ayumi and Mitsuhiko out to play. Winter break is about to begin after all" He says, a smile blooming on his face.

Shinichi is a weird person. He is inclined to lying in the most unnecessary situations. He cares for everyone as much as they do him but did his best to hide it as eloquently as possible. I haven't figured out why aside from the small clue involving something that happened 2 years before I met him. It seems to be the point of time when Shinichi suddenly changed dramatically.

"Maybe I should go to L.A. Mom and dad is there after all. They did always bother to ask me if I wanted to come with them."

It was spoken carelessly but this surprises me. Shinichi was never the person to consider going anywhere, be it joke or not. This, admittedly, was something he said to me himself.

As if remembering something, he made a humming sound in the back of his throat

"Maybe I should voyage somewhere. Everyone at the station did tell me that I could use a break" The light in his eyes tells me he was seriously taking this into consideration.

"Who is going to run after murderers if you're gone?"

"You're talking like that is the only thing I do nowadays…"

I am tempted to tell him that it is true. He barely does anything other than police work recently.

"But you're right. It feels more in place if I stay here. Reminds me… I have to take a look at the file Inspector Megure handed me" I can practically feel him being excited without looking. It isn't that hard to get since Shinichi is a detective and, consequently, has a very unhealthy habit of coming back to cold cases for the pure purpose of entertainment.

Nevertheless, when facing with a murder or be it someone's life on the line, Shinichi is very devoted. Sometimes, he either skips meals or cut down his resting hours for the job. Without asking, anyone with eyes can see that he lives and breathes for justice. Some called him arrogant but personally, I think he is just a kind person who strives to do something worthwhile for the world. Still, I may be biased as he is the sole human I interact with.

Before I can get more lost in my musings, the door to Shinichi's room opened. I was greeted with a brightly smiling female.

"Kudo-kun… So you're here. Everyone is wondering where you were."

The girl who just walked in named Nakamori Aoko. Compared to the people around Shinichi, she's extremely dull. Shinichi has made an effort to correct me but I refused to think of her as otherwise. I clarified that I did not, in fact, hate her but it seems he wasn't convinced.

"Nakamori-san" Shinichi acknowledges, sending her a smile "Sorry to trouble you. I'll be down in a minute" Something in his voice told me she was the last person he'd expected to be rushing in to look for him. I thought the same. The only one who would do it so casually is Kaito and the only one who wouldn't mind it in the least is Shinichi.

"Oh, I'm sorry I busted into your room without permission. It's just that everyone is outside playing with the snow and I think you'd like to join us" She is being polite and this somehow annoyed me more than it should. I don't usually hold ill feelings against anyone but this girl always manages to push my switch, which is amazing in its own way. Shinichi, though, seems mildly taken aback. His eyes are definitely conveying something along the line of which everyone should have been busy having fun and had no room for him.

"I appreciate the thought, really, but I'm a little bad with weather like this so I think I'll stay inside"

I can only sigh a little at his polite response and his convincing smile. Shinichi is getting more and more used to it. Lying…Deceiving…Reassuring… I wonder whose fault it was.

"Oh, I see. Well, that's not the exact reason why I'm here"

I'm guessing she's going to do that again. She is going to pry into Shinichi's life and rub salt into his wounds. Well, she has her own intentions, while Shinichi has his too. Those sapphire eyes haven't wavered meaning Shinichi is going to refute everything she has to say, the same as last time.

"Kudo-kun seems a little distant so I'm a little worried. Did something happen?"

Well, that much was obvious. Throughout the whole party, Shinichi just stood in the corner, drinking wine without saying much except for the occasional comments here and there about his friends. It was really ironic how he himself was the person who decided to throw the party but was also the person who wasn't much excited about it.

"Please, by all means, don't worry about me. I'm just a bit under the weather today. I'm sorry if it puts you off somehow" The detective by my side wears a sheepish grin. It all sounds like a reassurance but being with him for a year, I know better. He is trying to drive her away in the nicest way possible. No, Shinichi doesn't usually mind a conversation or two. He needs it. Nonetheless, now… Now is not a particularly good time he deems to have a talk, least of all, with her.

"No. Not at all" After a moment of silence, she added "Shinichi-kun… Can I ask you something?" She asks as she proceeds to close the door behind her. It seems this is going to be another talk that Aoko obviously won't appreciate anyone hearing in. Maybe that's why I have a bad feeling about this, aside from the fact that she is calling him Shinichi. There's also something about her eyes and her stance that bothers me but I can't exactly pinpoint it.

"Are you unhappy with this outcome?" I give her credit for that one. Shinichi is usually seen sporting an emotionless front whatever the circumstances so for her to see through that façade of his is a novelty. I didn't expect such on her part. But then again, she has always been keeping a close eye on Shinichi.

The detective standing next to me provides no response.

"Shinichi-kun, you are clearly troubled by our relationship"

Nakamori Aoko is this type of person. She speaks her mind if needed – that much I could gather. Still, it doesn't mean I have to like it. I don't like how she's pressing into matters that Shinichi is clearly uncomfortable with voicing. I don't like her earnest expression. It's as if she had no idea why Shinichi is so out of it.

"Nakamori-san, listen…" He decides to speak, finally, voice calmly bringing her attention back to him.

"Hypothetically speaking, what if I'm not happy with it? It's not like I can actually change anything. This outcome stems from Kaito's resolve and doesn't have anything, whatsoever, to do with me" Shinichi reasons calmly, eyes directly locked with Aoko's.

Though it sounds like an agreeable argument to Aoko, I have to disagree. Shinichi did have a say in the matter. Kaito ran straight to Shinichi for his advice and even let the detective decide. I could see that at the point, the magician was already set on confessing but the need to let Aoko in on the truth delayed his answer. Shinichi's promise to support him was what led Kaito to his final decision. That's why, if anything, the detective standing next to me was the one who created the outcome.

"Well, that was rude" I decide to speak up seeing as after a few more polite exchanges, the brunette finally left, all perplexed and still not convinced, to which Shinichi seemed annoyed and frustrated about.

"She has the right to be doubtful. It just means she treasures her relationship with Kaito as much as he does, which is something I can't have been more grateful with. Well, I just need a cup of coffee. As expected, women are scary creatures" The detective standing beside me let out a breath he may have been holding since that door opened.

Shinichi is always good at confrontations. He's good at admitting that he's wrong when the time calls for it. He's good at coming to terms with certain things. Still, there are few exceptions, including his own heart. If I ever were to point out the things he held for the people around him, he would deny it. He would until the truth slips his mind.

"Say, am I that easy to read?" He suddenly questions, searching my reaction.

"For me, at least"

Shinichi smiled slightly at me as if to ridicule the notion. We've been stuck with each other for a long while and counting behind closed doors, there is no telling whether I understand him more than most people or not.

"You humans are so complicated. You crave but refuse to reveal, messing everything up with miscommunications, having your ego getting in the way…"

The detective next to me has a funny look on his face when I said this. He must've had no idea why I find this simple while he dwells on its complexity.

"You say 'human' but are you sure there's no way you were one of us before this?"

He directed the conversation away, once again questioning my origin. I still think it was quite strange how he didn't deem my existence troubling. Shinichi is a detective and I'm sure everything on crime scenes were based on solid science, which allows no supernatural being.

"I say that's unnecessary. After all, I don't want to suffer from constant confusion and insomnia. 'What-if' though, I would want to be like Tsubaru-san with his cool head and cold heart."

Tsubaru-san is the person living with Shinichi long before my memory started. I have a theory that his affinity with Shinichi's job comes from his past experience with either the FBI or the like.

"You're denying a perfectly capable possibility. And believe me when I say Tsubaru-san is not like that"

Shinichi always seems a bit more open with the man. Again, he was another person who was acquainted with the raven during the 2-year-period of something which heavily affected Shinichi's character.

"Anyway, I still think it was better if-

The first knock on the door comes without a warning.

"Come in" He said quickly, clearing the lump in his throat.

"Kudo-kun" The little girl said before glancing around the room in quiet contemplation. "I swear I heard you talking to someone…" She said in her smooth voice, posture completely controlled and contradicted her appearance.

Her name is Haibara Ai. Sometimes I hear Shinichi calling her Sherry or Shiho (it differs depending on the circumstances) which interests me greatly. Could you blame me, though? A child living with different identities is too amusing to pass up.

"I was on the phone" The detective holds up his phone to prove the point before proceeding with "Did my personal scientist need something?" He said teasingly, earning from Haibara a raised eyebrow. He did explain to me that she was something of a big sister and private doctor to him. Their relationship is an enigma.

"Well, it seems I'm here as a consultant today. How are you feeling, Kudo-kun?" She asks in a calm voice. This gives away just how much she really cares for the detective. He doesn't take pity well so the last thing he needs is comforting words.

"Let's see, the weather is not very cold so my throat is fine. I'm not having any bout of cough thanks to your medicine. It's quite an improvement since last night, might I say…"

I can feel Haibara holding back a defeated sigh at the answer.

"You don't have to flatter my ability in what I do. How are you feeling, Shinichi?"

"Pretty satisfied, if you ask me. Everything worked out quite well. Still, I'm honestly surprised at how easily Aoko accepted the truth. Ran took a long while before forgiving me" he replied light-heartedly, each word sounded as wrong as the last.

"So you're not planning to tell Kaito at all?" She frowned at his confirming nod.

"It's a precious friendship. I can't afford to destroy it with an on-a-whim confrontation, Ai-chan"

Haibara must've seen the determined look in his blue eyes. Nothing could be said to change his mind at this point.

It is still snowing outside after that fleeting conversation with Haibara. Shinichi has gone quiet.

He and Kaito have known each other for 2 years 'officially', he told me. They have really identical looks. Nevertheless, they were very different. Maybe that is why their friendship has developed so well.

"You know, I can never tell him, however hard I try."

Shinichi finally speaks up, his eyes trailing Kaito's figure on the ground filled with pure white snow. He was soon joined by Aoko and Akako who has just started a snowball fight. They were fooling around like little children. It is quite a heart-warming sight.

"I know. You freeze up numerous of times…"

Shinichi had tried before her existence was made known to him, before Aoko was in the picture.

"…And made a fool out of myself in front of him numerous of times. Yet, not once did he joke on it" Shinichi appreciates that, if the spark of happiness in his voice was any indication.

To imagine Shinichi actually putting down his barrier just to step nearer to someone proves just how much he really wants the thought.

"Thinking back, I really did ridicule myself a lot when faced with Kaito" At that, Shinichi grimaces at the vague scenery ahead.

One of the things that immediately come to my mind is that time when it was raining cats and dogs. Everything was going normal and for once, in Shinichi's favor, for he had finally remembered to bring his umbrella with him. That was it until Kaito appeared next to him with his frazzled appearance and troubled expression saying that it was a special day to Aoko and he wouldn't get a gift in time if it continued to pour. Shinichi, without any hesitation, handed his only ticket to getting home dry to Kaito and even claiming he had had a second one with him to assure the other.

"Of course, I will forever hold dear the memory of us running home, me with nothing to cover and you with your pathetically useless schoolbag. And in the end, you even got a cold"

"Hey, you are not capable of getting soaked, unlike me" He laughs fondly at my mock complaints, the memory clearly embedded in his mind.

Speaking of soaked, there is another fragment of memory that is practically unforgettable to me.

It was the first time I witnessed Shinichi running off from a case, after all.

As if on cue, Shinichi spoke with eyes a mesmerizing blue "I still felt like an idiot rushing to Kuroba's resident in the middle of the night that time just because of a text."

It was a practically chilly night with a few drops of rain in sight, maybe not enough to do harm but enough to wet. Shinichi, as usual, bumped into a corpse. Responsible as he was, Shinichi called the police and began his investigation, practically nothing different from the usual. That was it until the buzzing noise was made notice. I knew it was important. If not, he would've skimmed through quickly to continue with the case. That was just a few seconds before Shinichi suddenly ran to Inspector Megure, explaining all the details of the case before rushing off, though not without saying several sorry to the older man.

He just ran, forgetting my existence entirely, as I followed him out of curiosity. When I saw the word 'Kuroba', I stopped wondering what was up. I reckoned it was something urgent. If not, he wouldn't have been so impatient, pacing back and forth in front of the Kuroba's front door.

In the end, Kaito had just gone down with a slight fever and decided to text Shinichi to pass his boredom. He got a pretty good scolding afterwards by Chikage-san for worrying the detective and making him run all the way from Beika to Edoka without anything to block him from the rain. Luckily for Kaito, Shinichi stepped in, saying something about him exaggerating the situation.

At that moment, I came to realize Kaito had no idea just how much Shinichi cared for him.

"Shinichi, do you think you could've had a different outcome had you insisted Kaito on not confessing?"

I know he had considered it. I know he had thought on it really hard when Kaito asked him what he should do. Shinichi had a chance, then, to erase this - This favorable end for Aoko.

"I can't do that, you know. Not when Kaito looks at Aoko like she's everything he has ever wanted. I wager my whole Sherlock Holmes Collection that Kaito seek normality and stability in his life. KID, the nighttime stage and the fame- those will not last forever. And, trust me, it is not enjoyable to live a life of uncertainty, a life made of lies. Something gentle, something typical, something that was not out of the ordinary – Aoko could give Kaito that. Aoko could give him a table full of delicious food every night. Aoko could be the wife that wasn't the most ideal but always supporting and tender. Aoko was everything that Kaito long to have and I can tell Aoko feels the same. What more can I ask for?"

'A happy outcome for you', I could have answered

He smiles at me while his eyes adorn sadness. Yet, I couldn't say anything in return to lighten that. 'It's okay' 'Everything is going to be alright' 'It's not the end of the world'... I could've said all of those. I could've relieved him of the morose he dived in. But it's not okay. It's not alright. Everything is going great for others while he silently stands next to me gazing at their happiness through frames of 'what-if's, knowing that there might be another, more favorable, outcome had things been a little different.

The sky gets darker. Stars are nowhere to be seen. We stood next to each other in complete silence. He doesn't like pity. And I'm not good at comfort. The clouds barely move. Snow continues to fall. We stood, lost in our own thoughts.

 **...So...Someone asked me if I was going through something hard in my life because I keep contributing sad fics to this happy fandom... Well, for as long as I can remember, I live in a very happy household with a satisfying life, actually, so no, I'm not going through any hardship (does exam count, though?). My mind just refuses to produce happy ideas. Well, I hope you had fun reading!**

 **-Crystalette**


	2. Chapter 2

The sky is a strange blue today. It's the kind of blue that urges you to stare. It's the kind of blue that pricks at your heart with its depth.

"It's sure a nice day today" said Shinichi, voice a wonder, his eyes finally leaving the mess of knowledge on the flat surface to appreciate the vast painting far above, created by the most skilled hand. In front of him is a board full of formulas, math equations layered over each and each, itching to be solved. The faint smell of chalk remains, bits by bits signifying his hard work. To his right is philosophy buried underneath those thick, worn-out pages while case files starts piling on his left. His hand continues to fluently scribble lines of numbers, ignoring the red marks created on the tip his fingers – the sign of excessive writing. His left hand busied itself with a collection of research papers. "Not this one either" he murmured to himself, determined though disappointed. Scratching out the last line like what he has been doing for the last couple hours, Shinichi jumps to another material, mind picking out information in the quickest way possible. The world of numbers and codes doesn't stop expanding; each of them dives deeper into oblivion, just like the shine in his blue, blue eyes. Outside his workspace, people come and go. It is a typical day at the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department.

There's a dimension split I can clearly feel today. Beyond that see-through window, people fall into a slow pace, working while enjoying the first bright shine in many months. A cup of coffee in hand, they leisurely drink and savor its fine aroma. They proceed with their paperwork, not in a rush, absorbing the information carefully as they have all the time in this world.

In this meeting room, where Shinichi had asked Megure to reserve for him, everything is swift. Shinichi was quick to have lain out things on the large mahogany table before, not wasting any time in refreshment or his own needs as he scanned each material, focused, on-point and agile, his blue eyes moving to and fro at a rather inhuman speed. His pale fingers seemed to have developed a mind of its own, switching from pen to chalk to high-light in a quick transition.

"It's a nice day" I said back half-heartedly, knowing that he is trapped in the universe of questions unanswered and mysteries. That's another endearing part about Shinichi – how he can just slip right into his own domain of solutions like such. 'A person is at their peak of attractiveness when they get lost in something or someone'; a person once said this and I whole-heartedly agree. Thinking back, Shinichi practically lights up like a Christmas tree whenever he's with Kaito. However, Kaito doesn't see it. He doesn't see the devotion. He doesn't see those deep blue eyes following his silhouette. He doesn't see the utterly lost expression on Shinichi's face when he decided to leave for L.A in a few weeks' time. He doesn't see such with all his brilliance.

Maybe he just chooses not to see it. Humans are many things including foolish but Kaito is different. He is sharp-witted and a genius in his own field. There's no reason for him not to realize it just as there's no reason why the sky is not blue – the type of tranquil blue that is not enough to comfort, but enough to calm.

The sound of pens clattering rings in my ears. His hand continues to work, pushing itself to the limit. His mind ponders and wonders; possibilities spilling like fallen water paint, overflowing through his vivid blue eyes now adorns a new light of an open route. As I gather, he must've figured out something new. His left hand, which was firmly holding the thick book full of ink stains and hard work, now exist a new bruise – another sign of low-key fatigue. The comforting chord of colorful high-lights against the smooth surface of paper sends small waves of placid tingles through my being. He hasn't considered stopping, it seems, revising the materials time and again, refusing to miss anything essential to his research. All his important findings and connections are attached to the white board, next to his black board covered in thick sections of white and faint dust. Various paper pins are made useful, attached to their respective pictures and articles. The resonance of pulled-out duct tape unnerves me a bit. Shinichi wastes no time in applying parts and parts of the red scroll onto the board, marking the links between each and each clues before immediately moving onto another task. There is much to do after all. I soon tune out the loud noises of careless chatters beyond the door and the slight resonance of Shinichi's impatient pacing footsteps in the quiet space.

Without anything to do, my thoughts wander. I can always feel my mindscape bursting with colors and vivaciousness effortlessly at times like this. Though it's nothing but unusual sparks of colors, it is a comforting place. There's no definite meaning to this peculiar planet of splashing paint whirling around my consciousness. Still, it doesn't fail to warn me of my limit as the dark stains are slowly made clear by vibrant mixtures. Just in a few months' time, this mindscape will turn black and collapse just like my body. Strangely, this foreboding feeling doesn't disturb me. They only take me to the land of curiosity, containing crossed out lines one after another concerning my identity.

The book on the far edge of the large table states 'Ghosts are beings of inexistent past, present and future' simply because they are not capable of reminiscing or recalling their past life. They loiter on the face of Earth to fulfill their unfinished business, only to not remember it, as well. As such, there's no hope for the future for one day, they'll disappear and no one will be the wiser. 'Lost souls, however, are still particularly alive'. The only problem is that they are just there – no purpose or pursuits. 'It is believed that lost souls belong to people who have the ability to free their souls from their dominant body. It is a choice, not an accident'. Technically, they're people who have lost hope for this world. 'There is no known way to recover the souls to their respective bodies'. Maybe it's a one way no return for those who chose to turn down their opportunity to live. 'There are probabilities that their sub-consciousness lack the drive to live. In short, they are to never stop wondering about their presence on the face of Earth. However, unlike ghosts, lost souls don't last forever. They wither and die just like humans do. Nevertheless, there's no certainty as to why and when.'

The sound of screeching chalk against the black board brings me back with a shiver. Shinichi finally turns my way, eyes flushed with a new shade of dark blue from hours of coming in contact with digits and the like. The vague brush of cerulean remains, thorough and unchanging.

"Sorry about that" He said with an apologetic smile plastered on his lips and eyes a gentle glow. It unfailingly yields stand-still from the welter in my mind.

"It's nothing" I replied with another half-hearted answer. My eyes automatically glance upwards, taking in his progress. Greeting my sight is a mass of bright yellow. Different faces and features pervade my vision – the pictures belonging to each victim. I trace each and all absentmindedly, noting their difference and alike. The neat handwriting above the sections of yellow eases me just a little, stating timelines and relevant information. My eyes stop at the twelfth picture, also the last one down the line, showing the face of a black-haired female in her mid-teen. Ash and amber sharpens her curiously mysterious eyes. Her name is Togatta Kusarina, the most recent victim of this not-yet-to-be-found killer. Yet, that was a year ago. Because of the lack of evidence and less than any feasible clues, accompanying the fact that the killer suddenly stops all of his activities, the case was at a point of temporary stagnant. The police wanted to rely on Togatta Kusarina, who is luckily alive but still in a comma. The only thing that seems plausible anymore, apart from that, is the endless string of numbers that don't seem to go together in anyway. There is no bind for Shinichi to work so hard, one might say. That's true. He works this hard in an attempt to change something unchangeable. 'There is no known way' – those words run through my head, reminding me of my nearest future.

The slight texture of papers colliding doesn't bother me any longer. Silently, he continues to strive.

It all started out as a small idea of making up things to do as Shinichi rummaged through files and files in his break. Innocently, a picture fell out from one of them. In it was the face of Togatta Kusarina – A girl whose features made Shinichi glanced at me in pure horror. Lady Fate seemed to have been playing a trick on him, he said as he glanced again at the said picture. Togatta Kusarina had the same face as mine.

From there on, everything was a rollercoaster ride. He searched, he deduced, he came up with various calculations and scenarios that could lead me to where I am today. In a span of a day, he has made a huge step towards my identity, as well as the identity of the serial killer.

Yet, I wonder… whose sake is he working for?

Just as the sky is a sad blue, Shinichi doesn't cease his busy activities. He is a genius in his own rights, a person who strives to do something worthwhile for this world. Yet, is he overworking for this cause, I wonder?


	3. Chapter 3

I sit down on the cold ground of the warehouse, feeling particularly calm. I guess I should be, considering I'm not the person tied to a chair and trying to break free from my gag. Still, that person is also weirdly unperturbed. I think, in this type of scenario, anyone with much to lose would struggle, maybe in futile, but it is better than nothing. No, it's not as if I'm saying Shinichi has nothing left waiting for him on the other side of this door. He is being careful, I can tell. It's just that the kidnapper and killer can come back any minute and he is only using really mild movements to test the bonds.

Nevertheless, I'm not in any position to say anything. If I were to trade place with Shinichi, I wouldn't be moving at all. Or should I say "Togatta Kusarina" wouldn't be moving at all.

After that visit in the Togatta residence, many random scenes have been flashing through my mindscape, whether I find them disturbing or not. I have a hunch those are "Kusarina"'s actual memories. Of course, I've told Shinichi this. And right at this moment, I'm regretting that I did. The knowledge has led him straight into the killer's lair.

The door to the warehouse creaks loudly as if protesting the violent force imposed on it. The sound serves to halt my train of thoughts. Footsteps grow closer, as a figure makes itself clear.

"Ah, Mr. Detective… I see you have been rather obedient in the last hour. What a nice change"

Standing in front of Shinichi is the culprit, Togatta Masarina, who is "coincidentally" Kusarina's older sister. On the side note, she seems incredibly pleased with Shinichi's lack of resistance against the gag and the bond on his arms and legs.

"As a reward, I'll grant you back your ability to talk…" She adds, before removing the white cloth constructing his mouth. "There… How are you feeling, Mr. Detective?" Masarina said gleefully, bending down to meet Shinichi's gaze.

"I did try to break free, actually. But the sedative you injected me with made the job twice as hard" he chuckles at Masarina humorlessly, refusing to give her the pleasure of watching him suffer.

"You work that out, already? As expected. Usually, I don't need such a thing but Mr. Detective is used to this type of situation so I need to be extra careful. Ah, by the way, this cloth isn't just for show either. It's soaked with a stronger type of sedative." She continues to talk in nonchalance. I'm guessing she's trying to push Shinichi into despair. "As such, can you do me a favor, Mr. Detective? I need you to stay awake."

She must've detected the confusion in his blue eyes because she's kind enough to elaborate "You see… my 'masterpiece' is almost completed. I only need the most perfect pair of eyes to add to the touch. Originally, to make the event extra special, I decided to use Kusarina's ones. Not only because the inspiration was from her but also because her amber-colored eyes were the perfection that I need for my work. What a pity, though, for she fell into a coma and lost the shine that she usually held which is the thing that I need most. Your eyes, Mr. Detective, share the same vividness that I saw in Kusarina. That, of course, can only be seen when you are aware so I need them when you're most conscious. Still, I have a feeling I don't have to remind you. You need to stay awake to fight against the bonds, after all"

The female remained smiling confidently, "Actually, if possible, I would also like your vocal cord. It's very charming. But, regretfully, I can only borrow your eyeballs." She finishes with a distressed sigh, observing Shinichi's reaction before remembering something, "Ah, look at the time. I need to go now. See you in about 3 hours, Mr. Detective" Masarina even has the audacity to wave, as if she hasn't been threatening to gauge out someone's eyes several moments ago.

If I have to say it, I will say Masarina is only one of the many reasons why Kusarina lost her will to live. Or should I say she's one of the reasons why the "me" right now exists.

"Shinichi, are you okay?" I feel the need to ask because there hasn't been any sign of him moving at all. And I'm positive there's no option called giving up in Shinichi's dictionary.

"A little drowsy but I'm all good." He replies, voice a bit hoarse, probably from the effects of the drug "Well, at least for someone who's bound by specialized wires which constricts with each movement and was put under two different types of sedative." I can't help but smile a little in relief. If he hasn't lost his dry humor, he's "all good". "Um, I need a favor. I may say that I'm fine but can you accompany me a little? I can't afford to fall asleep"

From the dim lighting in the warehouse, I can't read his expression but I know he's trying his best to stay unaffected, to not recite the conversation with Masarina, to not mind the cons that outweigh the pros for him in this predicament.

-In the same position, "Kusarina" couldn't do anything as she proceeded to fall into a deep sleep- one that she might not wake up from. So there was this haunting feeling in me whispering that Shinichi wouldn't make it, no matter how much I sooth myself.

"Thinking of these past few weeks, I really don't want you to save me, Shinichi" I start. The result of him trying to return "me" into "Kusarina"'s body has led us here, on the brink of life and death. Not to mention, there's no guarantee that the lost soul will go back to its original vessel once everything is happily resolved. I'm, in the end, an entity that belongs to neither realm. To add to the mess, "Kusarina"'s life is a tragedy that I don't want any part in. "Even if I returned, "her" situation would only continue to roll down its ramp, no more no less than a tragedy it once was." I decide to voice my opinion. I can hear Shinichi sighing next to me, moving the chair along with his body a bit to my side.

"You're still calling it a 'tragedy'?" He doesn't seem to be forcing me to think otherwise, however.

"She was literally denied of everything she was and lost the hope she held dear to the people around her" I remind him casually, watching as he muses my words.

'Tragedy'- it really was. Togatta Kusarina, on the surface, is a successful 16-year-old student. It was said that she aimed to be a teacher, with the suggestion of her parents, who she would listen to even if the world was against them. It was a perfectly suitable job for Kusarina. Her academic ability was outstanding, especially in English Literature. Some said she could be a writer, already having read what she had scribbled carelessly in her free time. She won several Olympic prizes regarding anything English even though they were only high school level. However, her 'success' actually came in the form of art, in the form of carefully detailed drawings she poured her heart into. One day, Kusarina found a peculiar art competition and decided to submit in some of her own works. The naive and pure-hearted Kusarina didn't, not even for a second, suspect that she'd win the competition and was offered to enroll into Teitan Art University by the Headmaster himself. Through the eyes of bystanders, she was everything that would make any parents proud. However, the fragments of memory that often swept through my being tell another story, another part of the girl named Togatta Kusarina which only appeared once she stepped inside the confinement of her closet. Through the words of the people around her, everyone seems to perceive Kusarina as a cheerful, upbeat and talented girl. Nobody, not even her parents, knew that she would lock herself in the closet to cry her eyes out in order not to worry everyone, especially since the walls between the rooms were very thin. That was just once in a while, until her parents found out that she had had an interest in art. Kusarina thought her parents would support her if, instead of a teacher, she wanted to be an artist. But reality was cruel. Her parents told her to prioritize other subjects since she was going to enroll in Tokyo National University of Education. Kusarina agreed with a bright smile before breaking down completely in her small closet, time after time. Kusarina thought it would be okay if she just hung on and tried her best. She thought it would be okay if she held onto her loving family, her friends and the people that she had so much fate in. Until Masarina happened-

"Maybe it's better if "Kusarina" stay forever in a coma. The society is not for her"

"That was out of nowhere" He replies in the mid of his process to remove the bonds, the wires already creating various cuts on his wrists and fingers. Shinichi doesn't even cringe. "I think I understand but what about 'you'?" I ponder the question with the best of my ability, having been constantly fixated over "Kusarina"'s circumstances instead of my own feelings and the like.

"I mean… Don't you miss the sensation of living?" he says and falls into silence, once again, as if to give me space with my thoughts alone.

I would be lying if I said I didn't. Sometimes I catch myself wishing I would be able to interact with some of Shinichi's friends, wishing that I could be seen again. Those memories flooding through my mindscape wasn't helping either.

"I do. But don't you feel tired sometimes? Living, in general…" I turn to look at the detective, searching for his answer and catching the perplexed expression on his face. He still hasn't made any progress with neither the wires on his wrists nor the thick strings tied around his ankles. Yet, he laughs as if his life wasn't in danger. He stops his doings before looking straight at me.

"Weirdly, I can relate to that as well… You know, I asked Kaito the same thing at one point." With a smile mixed of melancholy and fondness, Shinichi continues "I can't believe him. In his KID suit, top hat, cape and monocle, he told me 'If you haven't jumped off a skyscraper, robbed a bank, burnt down your ex's house and sang off-key really loudly in the shower, you haven't really lived'." There was something very 'Kaito'-ish in that statement. "Yeah, I don't get it either." He elaborates, "Well, to me, I think he meant each of us just have to look at life through the happy times to get through those moments of utter exhaustion both physically and mentally." Shinichi must've understood my doubt and hesitation because he doesn't spare me any word as he exhales sharply, continuing on "Listen, I know what you mean… I really do. Returning to your true identity, working out the misunderstandings, finding your way back into the world, it may sound simple but it really isn't. Sometimes, it feels like everyone is ahead of you and they are leaving you behind. But it's OK. If you take one step at a time, it'll be fine in the end."

I don't doubt his words. "Why must Kusarina's life be so complicated though? I would happily accept myself as a normal human being instead of an academic and art genius with a sensitive heart. To add to the bonus, I have a psychotic sister who is supremely good at dissecting people, and is currently using my artwork as a means to create her living 'masterpiece' in the name of a pure cause while in reality, she is only jealous of my talent and can't bear being compared to me every single second of her life. Ironically, the last straw was that her boyfriend chose me over her. Have I mentioned the fact that my work has anything and everything to do with body parts and anatomies?"

As if he wasn't bound against a chair and wasn't about to lose conscious from the effect of sedatives, Shinichi chuckles at my rants before shrugging humorlessly, "Not every one of us has an ideal life. Well, at least you're starting to accept your identity"

-'starting' being the keyword. To accept "Kusarina" means accepting that my parents have a tendency to push their expectations upon me. It means accepting that my feelings are going to get the best of me. It means accepting that my sister, who I held dear, betrayed me because of what I was, of what defined me. Masarina is probably the reason why I find all of this hard to take in. For the sake of 'love', Masarina went as far as trying to kill her flesh and blood-

"Shinichi, did it ever cross your mind that if you kill Aoko, you'll have Kaito all to yourself?" I pull my legs closer, waiting for his response.

The detective stares at me with renewed surprise as he smiles, frustration edging on the corner of his mouth "That might be true" before adding, "Nonetheless, it is a foolish action. Aoko has a certain place in Kaito's heart that I can't possibly hope to replace. Killing her also means killing a part of him and watching him grieve over such day by day. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone, especially the person most important to me. In this situation, it is an act of monopolizing, not love."

"You really love Kaito, don't you?" I'm not expecting an answer because I can see it without paying much attention. It is scattered everywhere in the time we spent together. It is in the way Shinichi, who usually put up an emotionless front, would smile at every memory regarding to the magician. It is in the way he waters those blue roses Kaito gave him each morning with a soft look in his eyes instead of an annoyed frown. It is in the way he fails to hide his happiness or the shine in his blue eyes every time Kaito shows up either at his doorstep or at the station with the promise to hang out. It is in the lost expression on his face when Kaito told him he would confess to Aoko on that snowy day. It is in anything that the aspiring magician refuses to look at.

"I think I found a pretty motivating reason for me to be alive again" My eyes stop at Shinichi's bloody wrists…

"Which is?" His voice is getting weaker. I can tell that he is worn out, in spite of his persistent but level-headed endeavors at getting free.

"I need to scream out to the world that you are in love with Kaito and plaster it everywhere on every single poster. Maybe, then, Kaito will notice", Shinichi smiles at me light-heartedly. It seems the subject change is a clever choice on my part. This will, hopefully, help him stay awake.

"I've been thinking… I didn't actually say anything which led him to the conclusion that I might be in love with him and well, Aoko is his utmost concern so it's normal for him not to notice" Shinichi says, leaning back into the chair for comfort. "Furthermore, with Pandora on his mind, I don't think my unrequited love for him is any good at the moment."

Maybe not 'words' that is apparent but 'gestures'- Gestures that he showed no one but that person. And I am sure that the entire police station including the Mouris (even Eri-san) and the majority of detectives that he associated with knew this. I am certain Aoko had gotten wind of it as well. However, the two people involved are hopeless. One of them insisted on calling his feelings a burden to the other. The other, even worse, couldn't see or refused to see his best friend as something more.

With the most unperturbed expression, he adds "If the wires tighten any further, I might lose my hand"… breaking the silence casually.

"You are… unnaturally calm, Shinichi" I comment, hoping that he isn't going to tell me he's given up.

"I did inform the police of my position before getting caught. There's a high chance that they'll be here in less than an hour" I sigh out in relief. The nagging feeling of anxiety is still there, however. I'm a 'realist' so 'high chance' doesn't always mean 'definitely' and that worries me. Shinichi must feel the same, hence his continuous struggling. "I'm not going to surrender, if that's what you were thinking." He assures, as though he could read into my thoughts.

"I've got to say goodbye to that stupid magician with a smile and play my part as the typical best friend, you know… I can't have him worrying over my well-being among anything else"

Looking down on the ground of the abandoned warehouse, I let out a breath.

"Kusarina" Shinichi speaks up, voice firm and left no room for argument. I glance up and realize he is waiting for me to reply or provide any kind of reaction.

…I'm hesitating. I don't know whether I should accept that name or not. I don't know if I could endure its weight or not. I don't know if I'm actually ready to face the world again, this time around. Still, looking at his reassuring gaze, I compromise.

"Rina is fine. Kusarina is hard to pronounce anyway" I let out a long breath…

"I see." Shinichi seems rather satisfied with my answer. "I just think it's about time I start calling you by your name…"

"How do you know I won't fall back into the state in which I lose my hope for humanity once again? I'm still the prior 'Kusarina', after all" I state my curiosity,

"'She' might not have been able to handle the society. But 'you', I think, are slightly different." He flashes me a somewhat playful grin before adding "From what I've gathered from her parents in addition to your random rushes of recollection, 'she' is a very devoted person towards her goal, in which case was: Art and English Lit – two of which demand long hours of research and details. I reckon she didn't pay much attention towards anything else, especially towards the emotional value, so the fact that everything was against her scarred her in many ways and she must've had no idea how to deal with it." He explains logically, absolutely getting used to the chair he was stuck with while I contemplate his words.

"And Masarina was purely the last straw" I finish his train of deduction as he nods along.

"You are not like that, however. You are the soul that 'Kusarina' casted out. Technically, you're another person with 'her' knowledge intact. Now that you're exposed to another environment from your own point of view, without anyone to influence you, I think you'll be alright facing up against anything that may come later on. Surely, you've matured. So, even if those memories are to serve the purpose of returning your identity to you, I don't think you'll easily end up where she once was."

* * *

To tell the truth, somewhere in my mindscape, I was somewhat ready to end my phase as a lost soul ever since I knew that I was a human. However, the final step towards the light is always the hardest for someone who has been in the shadows for too long. I frown at the large ceiling above.

"Are you being overly optimistic about my situation, Shinichi?" There's a certain word that describes the detective with his encouraging words. Green… Simple… illogical… No. "Your thoughts procession seems really naïve when it comes to my case" The words I tried to avoid flow through carelessly, leaving me with the truth then to come. Of course, there's always a part of me faintly whispering that his words are not genuine, however much I want it to die down.

"No way. I just trust you to know what to do" He casually states,

"You have a very optimistic standpoint for someone who's about to be killed at any given m-

Unbelievably, the sound to have interrupted my voice was the sound of-

"-Shinichi-kun, are you okay?"

It was the sound of the door being broken down, the sound of police siren ringing violently in the air and the sound of Inspector Megure's voice, heavy and out of breath, the sound of footsteps approaching.

"See? It all worked out in the end…" He whispered to me, his voice getting fainter by the second. I didn't say anything in return. At that, he flashed me a lethargic smile before losing consciousness, undoubtedly from the effects of the drugs.

"Shinichi-kun… Someone, get the medic-"

Next to me was a detective who fought through to his last ounce of energy to survive. His eyes were the color of the vast sky, the endless sea but always a shade deeper. His long and slender fingers were covered by blood and scratch but he didn't deem it worthy to bother. His mind was another fascinating planet that I wished I could have a chance to discover. His heart belonged to a talented, mischievous magician that he was sure he had no chance with. He was a weird person. He was a person who had received so much sadness that he was slowly getting used to it. Nevertheless, he was the person who inspired me to live again.

…And for this, I wish for his happiness.

-Next to me was a detective, known to most people as the 'Modern Holmes', known to me as Kudo Shinichi, nothing more, nothing less. For this, I was thankful.

Next to me was a dear companion, my savior, the last person I saw before my consciousness drifted off completely.

* * *

 **...Why does this feel like OC x Shinichi? Am I doing this wrong? OMG, what if people start shipping this? Urg... (Actually, I showed this to my friend and she started shipping ShinRina already.)**

 **I promise there will be a lot of KaiShin interaction next.**

 **Also, I'm sorry that I can't write the part with Masarina coming back for da eyeball BEFORE the police actually busted in. But still, Shinichi needs to be alive and with eyes, guys. Yeah, what a lame writer, couldn't even write suspense to save her life !**

 **Even so, I hope you had fun reading !**


	4. Chapter 4

When he came round, Shinichi was immediately aware of the fact that she was no longer there with him. There was nothing definite to tell, he just somehow 'knew'.

His next discoveries were the sound of heart monitor ringing evenly, monotonously, the warm feeling of sunlight from the nearby window, the welcoming sensation of new bed sheets, the sound of faint footsteps resonating from the other side, and the familiar smell of iodoform. Shinichi let out a breath. It would seem like he was out of the abandoned warehouse and transferred to the hospital.

-Shinichi searched his memory. He leaned back against the large bed, contemplating. He was sure Kusarina was still there when he collapsed. He considered the possibility in which she had returned to her dominant body.

Weirdly enough, Shinichi wasn't exactly worried. The current Kusarina knew how to take care of herself.

Just as he settled down with his thoughts, the door slid open to reveal Inspector Megure. The older man in his usual brown coat removed his hat with a sigh of relief, probably upon seeing that Shinichi was well.

"Good morning, Kudo-kun. It's nice to see that you are fine but please, next time, spare this old man a heart attack and inform us properly before diving into danger" Megure gave the younger a defeated smile. Shinichi nodded mutely "I'll keep that in mind from now on" He replied politely.

The detective looked down at his hand. He did leave them with a notice but as expected, it was reckless to just jump right into her trap like that. Shinichi silently reflected on his behavior and reminded himself to be cautious in his actions. When he looked up, Shinichi noticed Megure staring at him with renewed surprise. Something told him he couldn't have behaved that civilly if he were who he was before that day at Tropical Land. Even so, he felt the need to clear his throat at that,

"Um, what happened to Togatta Masarina?"

"We've taken her in custody, of course. She spilled everything quite easily, too. The forensics is working on the DNA of the body parts found…"

Shinichi once again nodded. Everything was finally resolved, well, at least on the surface.

"Also, Kuroba-kun is here" Inspector Megure said as Shinichi visibly stiffened. He provided no response whatsoever to that information. Eventually, after a pregnant silence, the young detective finally lifted his head up to face Megure.

"So he knows"

"He was very worried about you, Kudo-kun. He'd been dialing us all night last night"

Shinichi could literally feel the guilt overflowing through his senses. He'd promised himself not to worry the magician, send him off with a smile and then this happened. The detective bit his lower lip, frustrated. Drowning in the feeling of dread, the detective closed his eyes for a moment to let the problem sink in.

"I see that the rumor going around has its truth" The older man started, having already seated down.

"Rumor? What rumor?" The detective blinked, having no good feelings about what was to come. The man hesitated for a moment before he finally said,

"About you and Kuroba-kun" Shinichi suspected he didn't want to hear the rest of that. Fortunately, Megure didn't intend to elaborate any further. Shinichi knew that there was bound to be gossips here and there as such things were inevitable among co-workers. Still,

" _Everyone already knows, Shinichi. There's no reason distance yourself from Kaito. Especially if you're so sure he won't actually catch on to your intention"_ The words she left somewhere in their shared days dawned upon him, framing his earlier surprised expression with something among the lines of distress. Kusarina had been right. Shinichi mildly wondered if the officers' careful behavior around him lately was because of this predicament. It wasn't wrong to deduce so. The fact that Kaito was dating Aoko wasn't any news among the people in the Homicide Department, after all.

Now that he had a hunch that everyone that he worked with was taking pity on him, Shinichi began to feel tired in a wholly different way.

"There's really nothing wrong with that" The inspector made himself clear, perhaps worried that the younger might interpret his words as otherwise. "It's just…"

Megure breathed out a sigh. The sudden pause in his speech caught Shinichi's attention.

"You know, this isn't about how you're in love, Kudo-kun. Falling in love is a perfectly normal thing. This isn't about how you've been making a troubled face either. It goes with the profession and I understand that you have a lot on your table."

Shinichi noticed the usual furrow between his eyebrows was gone; the tone he usually used at work had also softened. The inspector was speaking to him on equal stands.

"It struck me how I hadn't cared enough to have a word with you after that 2 years gap when you completely disappeared. You definitely changed after that. And to be honest, I regret it." Megure wore a rueful smile; one that made Shinichi clam up, unable to find the words to answer.

He knew exactly what effects those two years had on him. The people around him hadn't exactly been subtle about it, Sonoko being one of the most apparent examples (though he got that she was mocking him on account of him previously being a jerk to Ran).

"Of course, changes aren't always bad. In a way, you've matured, Kudo-kun. That alone is expected, all things considered. Your core is still the same. What defines the Kudo Shinichi that we know is always there. You're still in an unhealthy relationship with mystery as Shiratori-kun usually says. You're as responsible as you always were with people's lives. Your view of justice hasn't gone off-track either, whatever Inspector Nakamori has to say."

Shinichi appreciated the trust Megure had for him. He had half-expected to be doubted ever since Nakamori accused him of letting KID go (it was a mistake on his part).

"I just wish you were a little more open with your worries like before."

Shinichi didn't think it was possible for him to return to who he was before the Black Organization anymore. Years of secrets, lies and living in hiding had their fair share of side-effects.

"I'm sorry" he only managed to apologize

"There's no need, really. You're entitled to your decision of whether or not to talk about your personal issues," the inspector began, "It's just, Yusaku-kun asked me to look after you-

Shinichi knew about that. His father was the type to never voice his worries but he was definitely hesitant in leaving Shinichi to fend for himself.

"… Actually, Yusaku-kun has nothing to do with this," Megure clarified "You know… you've been working alongside with us for 3 years now, helping out whenever we needed. Everyone already considers you a full-fledged member of the Homicide Department; and that is why we care, that is why we can't stop worrying when you started drowning yourself in paperwork. And then suddenly, you were up and decided to bury yourself in this serial killer case. Satou-kun told me that there were days when you didn't even leave that meeting room. Again, we were troubled. Yet, we were hesitant to tell you about such, because, practically speaking, it was your choice and we had no right to interfere," Megure sighed at that as he went on, "Your dedication to this work is admirable. Even until now, that has been the one thing that never changes. Lately, however, you seem to be functioning only with the motivation to forget and escape reality instead of anything else"

There it was. The words he didn't want to hear most.

"Shinichi…"

It was the first time Inspector Megure had called him by his given name.

"Please take notice already, would you? You don't have to shoulder everything by yourself," If it's something you're unable to get over, talk it out, and get it off your chest even just a little. It's okay to burden us with your trouble."

Shinichi pondered those words, looking down at his hand, not knowing what to say. He had been so used to putting up a front that he couldn't bring himself to bother anyone with his issues.

"I know that it's not easy for you, seeing how you're thinking so hard on it," Megure finally broke the silence with a light-hearted laugh, "But it's alright to take it slow. I just want you to talk to someone, especially Kuroba-kun. I have an inkling that you owe him an explanation"

That, he did, though not without earning a handful of scolding from the magician. The last time he was shipped to the hospital unconscious, they had had a pretty bad fight, after all.

"Well, I have to go now. The press is getting overboard again. Someone sneaked in and stole the case file" Megure sighed out, distressed, after reading a text on his phone, "They are getting more and more shameless these days".

Shinichi offered the inspector a sympathetic smile, watching him put on his signature hat, which he didn't notice had been taken off somewhere during their small chat.

Megure was at the door when Shinichi called out with a stutter,

"Um…" He uttered, hanging his head low, "Thank you for the advice, Inspector"

The man chuckled at him, "Don't mention it. I'll go call Kuroba-kun. Is that okay with you?"

"Yes. I owe him an apology, after all…"

Megure left with a nod, relieved that he was finally able to get through to the young detective, leaving Shinichi with his own thoughts.

* * *

Shinichi exhaled. Kaito could walk in at any given moment and Shinichi couldn't for the life of him decide where to start and, fleetingly, what to conceal.

 _Kaito deserves to know_ , he argued with himself, leaning back against the pillow.

… _Does he? Does he really need to know that I'm in love with him? Do I need him to know?_

Shinichi turned the questions over in his head, staring at the empty ceiling as if it'd give him an answer.

… _I don't know. Isn't he going to be disgusted? Can we even go back to normal after that?_

The detective groaned, closing his eyes, "If I can't really get over this crush, I need to tell him and get on with my life…" Aloud, he exclaimed, frustrated.

… _But I don't want us to drift apart. I want to hear his voice. I want to see him laugh. I want him to be comfortable around me._

"As I thought, I really can't do it" Absent-mindedly, Shinichi stared at the empty space next to his bed, talking to himself.

 _Kaito deserves to know. I need to tell him how I was so stupid for worrying him. I need to tell him I would miss him, and that I wouldn't mind a surprise visit or a late night call, that I would miss his small magic tricks here and there, as well as his heist._

… _And that I would never find anyone else who knew me like he did._

Shinichi smiled to himself, once again glancing at the space beside him,

"Sorry, Rina, I think I'll take those three forbidden words to my grave"

* * *

 **I'm so sorry, like I promised there would be KaiShin's interaction but the chapter went longer than I had anticipated so I decided to cut it in half. The second half is already in progress. But I think it'll take at least 3 months to give you the next installment since I've been burying my head in my study lately. I've got to take the University Entrance Exam in mid-June and I need to get in no matter what (wish me luck) so I can't get back to this right away. A big sorry for anyone who's still waiting patiently. And, also, thank you very much for the encouraging comments you've left me. I really appreciate it. I would've thought there would be more criticism since my writing is very... uselessly descriptive? lengthy? (I'm working on improving that). Well, as always,**

 **I hope you had fun reading !**


	5. Chapter 5

The door slid open, revealing a far too familiar figure.

Shinichi sucked in a breath, waiting for what was to come.

The sound of the heart monitor grew like that small but constant buzzing in the summer air. How strange it was when one could reminisce summer in the heart of December's winter days.

"Shin-chan"

"Kaito"

Cerulean and indigo met. They started, like every other visits Kaito had. After a dangerous case of homicide, abduction or arson, this was where they'd always end up.

-Still, Shinichi was damned if he let this one turn out like others. Clutching the bedsheet tightly, he took a deep breath,

"I'm sorry,"

Kaito, as expected, didn't see the apology coming. His posture stilled, probably not knowing how to react.

Shinichi didn't say anything else. He sat, watching the emotions dash fleetingly across those indigo orbs. Its owner lowered the bouquet of flowers in his palm, eventually letting out a small laugh,

"I was actually sitting out there preparing for the worst verbal sparring of my life. I didn't expect you to admit defeat right away, Shin-chan. What a letdown."

Shinichi went red, glaring at Kaito's playful (and relieved) expression.

"W-Well, I admit that I'm wrong this time-

"Only this time?" Kaito raised an eyebrow, voice monotone.

"-and some others" Shinichi grudgingly said, clearly displeased with the magician's smug expression. The detective sighed, continuing "But we've only got five days left together, so I thought there are things more important to talk about."

Kaito's expression softened. He finally remembered he brought a little gift with him.

"Here you go, Shin-chan. A token of good luck for the honest one."

Kaito put the bouquet in the vase next to his bedside. Shinichi smiled at the blue petals glittering in the warm hue of midday.

"Really, how do you even find the time to dye all of these?"

Shinichi's question had somehow offended Kaito.

"What are you talking about? These are grown in nature!"

At Kaito's fake hurt expression, Shinichi only shrugged, "I'm not a detective for nothing, Kai. It's ink, right? Really, if it's to wish me a speedy recovery, you could've just gone with some chrysanths"

… _Or you could just come with your wits and banter,_ Shinichi thought off-handedly.

"It's not just because of that, Shin-chan" He quickly slipped into what could be considered a part of his nighttime persona. "How could I present my favorite critique with such a boring bouquet?"

"I wouldn't call it boring. It's just normal"

"The same thing" He replied, without missing a heartbeat, eyes dancing with mirth.

Shinichi realized that he really missed this, whatever it was. Or it was just that he missed having Kaito around, and then he started thinking that maybe being transferred to the hospitals once in a while wasn't so bad if he got to spend more time with Kaito like this. Undoubtedly, the magician would be mad if he heard that.

 _Ah… How things have changed._ He mildly remembered being particularly annoyed when the magician kept popping out from all places in the Kudo's manor to discuss trivial matters in his KID's suit. But bothered as he was, Shinichi always accompanied KID with his musings whenever possible. Maybe that should have been the first sign to how he was utterly head over heels for the Heisei Lupin.

Shinichi shook his head, wondering how on Earth he could've missed all of that.

"Shin-chan, you look like someone just put a ban on coffee" The magician halted him from his line of thinking with a chuckle. The shade of indigo in his eyes brightened with amusement, coloring his already handsome feature.

 _God help me, I'm in SO deep;_

"I just know that I'm going to be forced to stay here for a while" Shinichi came up with something light-hearted, mentally patting himself on the back. "I'm going to grow a garden of mushrooms in here" He deadpanned.

"What are you talking about, Shin-chan? You've got me here to entertain you…" He commented, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "And it's been too long since I got to talk to you like this again so you're not getting rid of me so soon" Kaito's voice softened into something that resembled silk and chocolate, melting the detective's insides.

 _Be quiet, heart…_ Shinichi commanded, clutching the bedsheet a little too tightly while using his already unreliable mind to calm down. _He's being a good friend …_

"I miss you too, Kaito" Shinichi didn't realize he had blurted that out loud until the magician was looking at him like he grew another head.

"I was expecting 'Idiot. We just talked last week' or something more Shin-chan-ish" Teased Kaito, the first part was delivered perfectly in Shinichi's voice, "My… You're just full of surprise today" He chuckled playfully, the sound echoing in the detective's head like chime bells and everything else wonderful in the world. Well, it wasn't at all helping the flustered detective.

Before Shinichi even had the chance for a comeback, the nurse invited herself in to inform that visiting hours were over.

"That just sucks", pouted the flamboyant magician, "Well, I'll see you tomorrow, Shin-chan"

"Yeah", as disappointed as he was, the Heisei Holmes also said his goodbye, "See you soon, Kai", delivered with a small smile.

And Shinichi had thought that was over for today but oh, how wrong he was. He didn't really think anything in particular until Kaito leaned down and as casual as ever, he pressed a quick kiss upon the detective's thin wrist, sending him a childlike grin…

"W-What was that for?" He pulled his hand back from the warmth, voice going a little too high for his own liking…

"So it'll heal faster"

Shinichi felt himself reddened even more (if that was even possible). It was totally illegal how he was still so weak against everything Kaito did.

The magician didn't elaborate any further as he was gone with a small wave and a wide grin.

The Heisei Holmes stared at the doorway long after the footsteps had faded, until it was just him, the empty room and his thoughts that had been running wild since Kaito walked in.

He looked at his wrist. The spot that Kaito had traced his lips over hadn't stopped burning…

"Rina, I'm a coward, aren't I?" He conversed fondly, feeling a sudden lost when there was no snarky answer that followed, not that he needed one to know…

He was a coward and he was determined to have these sentiments buried deep beneath the sway of everyday lives, hoping one day it'd disappear as if it had never once been there…

Shinichi placed a kiss on his injured wrist, calming down the searing heat left behind by the handsome magician.

…Perhaps it was also to settle down his aching heart.

…Perhaps it was the last hope for him to forcefully seal away this unrequited love.

* * *

Shinichi looked up at the calendar, silently counting down the hours, the minutes and the days he had left to enjoy the face-to-face conversations with his favorite magician. As expected, it was too short.

"Shin-chan, you've been boring holes through the wall for a while now. Care to tell me what it had done wrong?" Before Shinichi could come up with something believable, he was interrupted by Kaito's sudden weight against him. The Heisei Lupin bumped their shoulders together in the process of trying to get a clear view of his critic's dilemma. Though it was a careless action, the detective next to him was hyper-aware of it all.

 _Warm…_ Shinichi's mind unhelpfully provided... He could practically feel Kaito humming in question before flicking his fingers, "It's the calendar, isn't it? I get your feeling, Shin-chan…" He nodded, patting the Heisei Holmes on the shoulder, leaving the raven more confused than anything. "The person whose birthday is on this month is not going to be happy with that plain picture plastered on their special day" The magician, in all of his seriousness, elaborated.

"What are you talking about?" Shinichi uttered in a fit of giggling, brilliant blue eyes glittering. "Well, it's still better than the one with your face plastered on it"

"Hey! I'll have you know that the batch sold out in a day" Kaito reacted almost immediately, coming to the defense of his other persona. The product in discussion was a wall calendar that featured the great magician of the moonlight no other than KID and Kaito, being his other identity's big fan with an ego the size of Russia, bought the thing on the spot. Shinichi still wondered to this day how he was so unabashed about it all. "Oh that reminds me, there was one with you on it, Shin-chan" He continued.

"Please tell me no one bought it", deadpanned the detective.

"I bought it" The magician next to him replied without missing a heartbeat, seeming a little too proud of the feat (if it was even considered so).

Shinichi groaned, burying his face in his palms. Still, the image of the handsome magician with a big smile on his face lining up in the queue most likely full of women was strangely endearing to the detective.

"That's just like you, Kai", it had slipped out from Shinichi as more of his usual comment than anything-

"You're the only one saying that anymore, Shin-chan", said the magician…

-but the small silence that followed, and accompanying the smallest of flinch from him told Shinichi that he might have stepped on a landmine.

"Kaito… Is something wrong?" The Heisei Lupin might have fooled others with his light-hearted laugh but not Shinichi, who was one of those few who could see through the other. And Kaito knew better than keeping up a façade in front of his observant critic. His laughter slowed as he leaned against the detective,

"Well… Aoko accepted "me", Shin-chan, which is a miracle in itself but she still doesn't like the KID business" He managed a forced smile, continuing, "She asked me to fill in the details about the "heists" I set up and…" He paused, staring at the space ahead, perhaps recalling the memory…

Shinichi could somewhat imagine where this was going and he wouldn't blame Aoko for it considering their circumstances.

"…She always looked a little loss at what to say" and Shinichi knew it wasn't all, "It's like she's trying to distinguish between KID and I. I know that's my fault, though", Kaito huffed, frustrated, "The secret that stays secret for too long inadvertently makes me seem different to her"

The young detective knew that feeling all too well, in fact. Years of lies and deceits could change a person in their entirety. They certainly did a number on him. Because of that, he had an answer to Kaito's distress,

"… She just needs time, Kaito", Shinichi gently bumped their shoulders together, catching the said magician's attention. Indigo shades locked sapphire hues in a stare, their owner still moping,

"Do you really think so, Shin-chan? It's not because she doesn't agree with my method of doing things?"

"If she wasn't comfortable with it, she would have said something earlier, don't you think?" The detective comforted, contemplating his own words… _But again, I don't know that for sure. I don't know HER for sure…_

"Even if it's wrong, I can't stop, Shin-chan. As long as there are still people out there hunting lives for Pandora, I can't stop" Calmly, Kaito spoke. He spoke with stance and belief. He spoke but it was not for anyone to hear. It was a reminder that as long as the legendary gem was out there, Kaito wasn't going to leave his top hat, cape and monocle behind.

"I understand, Kai…" the detective simply said… And he hoped that it was enough.

* * *

Shinichi resisted the urge to reach out to ruffle Kaito's hair when the other's head hit his shoulder, brown locks brushing his neck… He couldn't exactly blame the magician for falling asleep, though, since the film was indeed boring. The detective shook his head at the drama unfolding on screen. Half-way through, Shinichi was sure it was the maid that did it. He also had the motive and murder weapon all figured out so to say it was uninteresting was an understatement. Shinichi tuned out the sound of the television as he relaxed, his neck hitting the cushion, taking in the coziness and giddiness that just suddenly bloomed inside of him. He hadn't felt so comfortable in such a long time.

"Kaito… wake up…" Shinichi softly called, chuckling ever so lightly when the magician let out a small groan, clearly giving in to his tiredness. Still, he was commendable lasting almost an hour of such a cliché film. "See, I told you we should've picked something you like…" Shinichi said to the sleeping magician, expecting no sort of reply.

Shinichi was discharged just today and Kaito, having heard of the news, had dragged the detective left and right and miraculously, nothing happened (as in body count: 0). Shinichi mentioned it somewhere in the middle of their lunch to which Kaito looked up from his chocolate cake and just stared at the detective dead in the eye and said "Don't jinx us, Shin-chan". The Heisei Holmes held back a laugh at the memory. At one point, Kaito was determined to chuck a big piece of chocolate cake down his mouth and hope his throat can somehow accommodate. One part of the detective still thought it was a mystery how Kaito didn't choke and the other part couldn't for the life of him explain why he still found that sight of the eccentric magician attractive.

"You're right, Rina. Love makes humans crazy" Just like a habit, Shinichi turned to his right and conversed, only to be (once again) reminded that there wasn't anyone there. Shinichi sighed, shaking his head at his own ridiculous behavior. It was the third time today...

 _Well, still an improvement from yesterday, I guess… if I don't count the time I turned my head to the side…_

Shinichi didn't know that their small conversations had become a routine for him until he started talking to her even though she wasn't there. It seemed Shinichi wasn't excluded from the rule of human's nature. He, too, was blind to gradual changes. He turned to the soundly asleep magician and pondered if the same thing can be applied. When did Kaito stop being just a best friend and turned into a person he couldn't live without in his heart?

No, Shinichi remembered the moment when he noticed he had fallen. Hard. It was a normal day and a casual hangout for the both of them… if he didn't count the small change in Kaito's dessert. Shinichi fleetingly recalled his bubbling curiosity and asking the upbeat magician why lemon pie instead of his usual brownies.

" _I just want to know why my critic adores lemon pie so much…"_

" _And? What's your verdict?" The said magician was already halfway through the slice so Shinichi figured he was more than ready to give his opinion._

" _At first, it leaves a sour taste on the tongue but once you've gotten past the outer layer, the inside is unexpectedly sweet and soft. There's a distinctive flavor in there that I can't put my finger on as well" Kaito commented, closing his eyes as if to accurately wrap his mind around the flavor. "Well, I'm sure I can figure it out in a few more bites" Satisfied with his discovery, the magician took another bite of the said dessert, "All in all, it reminds me every bit of you, Shin-chan"_

…followed by a stunning smile that can blind the whole universe.

Shinichi giggled into the blanket wrapped around the both of them, wondering if Kaito remembered it as vividly as he did. The detective also wanted to shake his head at his sudden recognition then… His brain had short circuited and his exact thought was: … _Oh no_. Because it stood to reason that thinking your best friend was cute (charming, gorgeous, amazing) was the first sign showing you were screwed in more ways than one.

"Hey, what if I asked him for his hand in marriage at that time? Do you think he'd accept?" Shinichi half-heartedly joked, glancing at the space beside himself, realizing for the umpteenth time that he was alone with Kaito…

 _Ah…But I bet she'll say no. She's usually right about these things…_ the Heisei Holmes caught himself thinking, letting his mind wander down the memory lane once again.

Oh, Shinichi did try the brownies that Kaito loved so much. He was consumed with so much sweetness with just a bite that it was slightly dizzying but it wasn't just a bland taste of sugar alone but bursting with honey and chocolate mixed together that felt just right. There was touch of bitterness in there that was only visible on the third piece and Shinichi appreciated the small diversity of flavor nonetheless. There was something very familiar about it and it only took him a moment to realize that the dark, rich and sweet flavor that melted right into him had reminded him of Kaito bites after bites. That was probably why he was able to finish the slice without feeling the need to cleanse his mouth.

…Maybe he had been in love ever since the first time their eyes met. The raven squashed the thought as it came because he still liked Ran at that point. Maybe he would still be had the brunet didn't come crashing into his life. Literally. You could say "landing" but that would be putting it lightly.

There was a heist around Beika that night, not that Shinichi had cared at the time. He was stuck as Conan and had just said his goodbye to Ran, telling her not to wait anymore, and he was sure she would be drowning herself in tears so returning to the agency was not his option. The only place that he could return to that would distract him from his own dilemma was the Kudo Manor. And sure enough, an injured phantom thief fainting on his balcony proved to be a great distraction. The white-clad gentleman wasn't even conscious to give Shinichi a reason why he was there, but the detective supposed a bullet wound was sufficient as a story itself.

Shinichi silently marveled at his own ability to cope. Normally, if Kaito KID was in your house bleeding and on the verge of death, you think you'd be stunned for a while. But then again, maybe that was why the moonlit thief had picked this specific manor to make his landing. Shinichi wasn't exactly "normal" per se so he was able to immediately get down to treating the wound much thanks to Haibara's guidance (she had to sit him down and tell him how to deal with these things in case he ever catch himself injured without her around).

By the time the thief's breathing settled down, Shinichi had been pretty much too tired to actually think about anything else.

" _Tantei-kun, how about we form a truce for a short while?"_

Suggested the phantom thief after both of them had been conscious enough for a small exchange and the detective didn't have any reason to refuse, really. Thus, the deal was sealed with a quiet breakfast (…and Kaito nagging for a cup of hot chocolate).

Come to think of it, it was probably the thief's occupying his mind during those days that he got himself together so quickly. There were still some heavy moping that took place but admittedly, having an always-scheming magician next to you, you ought to snap out of it fast enough before he throws a bucket of paint on your head.

The detective quietly chuckled, taking a sip of coffee from his mug, which never failed to remind him of when Kaito replaced all of his beautiful white mugs with the disasters that had "I love Kaito KID" written on them. It was at that point in their friendship that Shinichi no longer bothered and just closed the cabinet with a deep sigh, taking the "Happy KID's day" note with him.

The sudden music that played cut his daydream short as the raven blinked at the TV's bright screen, grimacing at the sudden light-filled theme that was the direct opposite of the dark room.

-'Astro, you know I can't accept your feelings. Let's stay as friends'

The second love interest, Astro Allium, was turned down, expectedly, if the constant lingering gazes between Penelope Asphodel, the third daughter of the Asphodel's family and the private detective, Lapis Skylark, was any indication.

…Shinichi couldn't help feeling a bit of pity. He hadn't been paying attention but supposedly, Astro must be really infatuated with Penelope since he was pursuing a relationship that his entire family was against The Asphodel and Allium have been rivals for years, if the description on the disk cover was to be trusted.

 _Friends… That must have stung a lot…_

The Heisei Holmes watched the changes in Astro's expression, contemplating his own situation. He admired the guy's resolve, nevertheless. Worst case scenario, he wouldn't even be able to talk to Penelope anymore. That was why, Shinichi, on the other hand, was a coward through and through.

-'You can't possibly be thinking about running away with Skylark… He's just a detective. He won't be able to take care of you', his voice cracked a little, no longer able to keep up the calm façade

Shinichi held in a laugh, suddenly reminded of that single comment from Kusarina.

 _What was it…_ The detective hummed slightly,

With an unnecessarily repulsed expression, she clicked her tongue and went _"Humans are disgusting. When they can't get something, they just have to make sure others can't, as well"_

Personally, Shinichi thought the comment was a bit too harsh, considering that it was directed at a cheap romance-drama film. Still, looking at Astro's desperate attempt at putting Lapis down, her words seemed to hold some truth in them.

-'But I love him, Astro...' She then smiled, facing Astro's contorted expression with a radiant smile, continuing, 'It's amazing what love can do, huh?'

Cerulean eyes unconsciously drifted to the magician, their owner shaking his head… _You have no idea, Penelope_

From time to time, Kusarina still brought up the purple necktie incident to remind Shinichi of what an idiot he had become over something mildly trivial when it came to Kaito.

" _This was a bad idea," The detective murmured to himself repeatedly, hurried footsteps resounding against the wooden floor of the shop, his blue eyes darting over the glass cases, trying to pick out another tie in replacement of his lavender one._

" _This is ridiculous" the spirit besides him trailed along, matching his steps, sighing. "I think that tie looks fine, detective. There's no reason to do this" Confused, she consoled, watching him hurrying around._

" _It's not about 'looks'…" Going a little pink, he looked around before answering in a small whisper, pausing in the middle of tie-hunting, "Last time, Kaito said that purple fitted me well. And if I suddenly wear this one, wouldn't it look like I'm trying to…" Shinichi didn't finish. He deemed it unnecessary._

…The Heisei Holmes found it kind of funny that she never mentioned that single comment at the end, when the detective could finally calm down after putting on the green tie he bought. Maybe it was her own brand of empathy towards his dilemma,

" _Shinichi, he didn't even detect anything wrong that time when you slipped and said, and I quote "I really like your smile"… What leads you to thinking that he'd notice you changed your tie?"_

…Her statement held a bold truth in it. Come to think of it, he never had a chance to give her a reply, seeing as Kaito had arrived not a second later-

Out of nowhere, the melody started once more, piano keys jammed together beautifully to amount to a perfect confession scene. It seemed to be the ongoing pattern of this romantic thriller.

-Estrella Starlace, probably the most relatable character out of everyone, stood in front of Astro, tears streaming down her face, her calm façade rapidly falling apart,

"I've always known that you love her. That's why I told myself not to expect anything, but it's useless. I always ended up overthinking every little thing that you do for me. I've had enough… " She managed between sobs,

"Star…" Astro was admittedly dumb-founded, not knowing what to do with the crying Estrella.

"…I like you, Astro" she meekly choked out, "I like you…"

Astro's expression softened as he pulled Estrella into a hug, "I know now, Star…"

"I like you so much…" she continued, eyes red and voice hoarse, "I like you"

…Shinichi vaguely recalled reading somewhere that if you believe something hard enough; it will become reality as the universe always works in your favor. Shinichi, being the realist that he was, wasn't wholly convinced. It wasn't so much as if you believed you could fly, you would grow a pair of wings but more along the lines that if you were that desperate about it, you would find a way. Evidently, humans didn't grow out wings. Instead, they have airplanes. To Shinichi, or at least to that logical part of him, it was all about effort. Estrella stayed by Astro's side from start till end, devoting her whole being to him, thus earning his trust, and in the future, probably his love, as well. But even then, did it always work that way? No. It didn't… Effort could still fail you, especially in feelings. However, when Shinichi looked at Kaito and his amethyst eyes, Shinichi wanted to believe that if he tried hard enough, Kaito would fall in love with him. He wanted to believe that maybe, if he repeated it enough times, it would come true-

Shinichi was suddenly startled by dark brown locks tickling his neck as their owner shifted, leaning even closer, showing no sign of waking up.

"Chocolate cake…" he happily murmured in his sleep, causing Shinichi to break into a small fit of giggle. It was just like Kaito.

Shinichi stared at the TV screen, then back at the magician, contemplating. The film was heading to its finale, so it was probably the right time to wake him up. Shinichi's shoulder was gradually falling asleep as well.

-The end was, indeed, in sight as Lapis had decided to propose to Penelope in the middle of a ball.

'Penelope, will you marry me?'

Shinichi silently watched the scene play out as (predictably) Penelope busted into streams of tears, a string of 'yes'-s falling from her lips as the two characters both leaned in for a hug. It seemed like the film was reaching its conclusion. A happy one.

" _Shinichi, do you think you could've had a different outcome had you insisted Kaito on not confessing?"_

Fleetingly, her words echoed through his mind, accompanied with amber, ashes and dust…

-The scene cut, jumping to the ceremony everyone had been anticipating.

Penelope broke into a smile; happiest, more gorgeous than she had ever been in a snow white dress as she walked down the aisle, just a moment away from 'happily ever after'.

…Shinichi would be lying if he said he hadn't selfishly thought of it. But confession or not, feelings were all that mattered. Even if he had stopped Kaito, it would only be a delay to an inevitable happy ending.

-Lapis and Penelope never left each other's gazes, drinking in one another's expression

Vows made, prayers told, rings exchanged, Penelope Asphodel, now Skylark, stared into her beloved's eyes, ready to be whisked away in a fairytale ahead.

…Everyone loved happy endings, himself included. Maybe it wasn't "all around" happy. Astro, even as the story reached its final stage, still held on to his unrequited love for Penelope and had tried to separate Lapis from her. Shinichi refused to be Astro. He refused to be an antagonist in his own story. Cerulean eyes stilled on the screen, as if entranced, their owner bitterly laughed. He was already becoming unsightly from the unfounded bout of jealousy; he just really didn't want to sink any lower than this.

-'You may kiss the bride', and that was maybe what they had waited all ceremony to do – a kiss to intertwine their fates together, forever.

"Shin-chan?"

Beside him, the magician shuffled to a wake, sleepily rubbing his eyes.

"I told you we should've picked something else. You slept through most of it", Shinichi said the thing he had been waiting the whole film to say to the Heisei Lupin, partly amused.

"Hey! I at least know the maid did it…" Kaito came to his own defense, "Did she?" He then added a moment later, turning to Shinichi to look for his confirmation,

"She did. It was really obvious, though" Shinichi sighed, a little disappointed that the mystery turned out to only be a bait, "Well, the rest are just poor attempts to make us cry" He then shrugged, turning to face the magician, only to be greeted with a concerned stare,

"Shin-chan," The atmosphere around them grew silent as the credit rolled, "Is something wrong? You look a little…" Kaito didn't continue, worried eyes glued to the detective's surprised ones.

Shinichi really didn't know what kind of face he was making that warranted the question…

"I'm just kind of cold, no big deal", the Heisei Holmes, with all of his brilliance, wasn't sure what Kaito wanted to hear, so he decided to settle for something trivial. Maybe his thoughts affected him more than he was willing to let on, even to himself. Before he could elaborate any further, Kaito engulfed him in a hug, wrapping the blanket around him in the action. In that moment, Shinichi came to understand why Estrella was so inclined to reject Astro's comfort. Trapped in the arms of the magician, the detective felt like a puddle of liquid put in a tiny container on the verge of overflowing. Everything that he shouldn't say at that moment was threatening to spill.

"Your body's temperature is super low, Shin-chan… Even worse than Aoko's" He started, his voice had gone back to its usual cheerfulness, calming Shinichi down a little. That said, nothing could be done about his rapidly beating heart, though.

…" _I've always known that you love her"_

"Maybe yours is just too high"… _or too warm,_ his mind unhelpfully supplied. Shinichi allowed himself to be indulged just for a little while, engaging the magician in a light-hearted conversation as he slowly relaxed. His eyelids fluttered shut.

 _... "That's why I told myself not to expect anything"_

The magician chuckled at his comment, intertwining their fingers together to keep the detective from the chilly air, "That's perfect. We cancel each other out", he then said, erupting a small laugh from Shinichi.

"'cancel'? What is this, some sort of cheesy superhero movie?" Shinichi threw in a casual comment, more to distract himself from the hand around his than anything…

… " _-but it's useless. I always ended up overthinking every little thing that you do for me_ "

"I can be the Flame Master, and you can be the Ice Lord… How about it, Shin-chan? Want to rule the world together?" The Heisei Holmes couldn't help but turn a little red. A part of him wanted to shake his head because of course the magician would love the idea of superpowers, and the other part of him hated himself for thinking the last line would be a romantic marriage proposal.

… " _I like you"_

"Don't you mean 'save' the world?" Shinichi managed to give a comeback, all the while wondering if he could just melt right then and there, inside of Kaito's arms.

"But that's too typical, Shin-chan", he could practically feel the whine in the magician's voice.

… " _I like you so much"_

"And you never do typical…" The detective smiled as he said, feeling his body growing warmer by the second.

"You know me best, Shin-chan~", Kaito said with a hint of playfulness, pulling the detective even closer.

… " _I like you"_

Silence once again settled over them, only to be broken just a second later by the Heisei Lupin's soft sigh. He didn't say anything for the longest of time, only tightening his hold on Shinichi's hand. The detective, a little weirded out by Kaito's action, blinked his eyes open.

"Shinichi…" he started, as the raven tensed, realizing that maybe the magician wasn't buying his earlier lie at all, "There's something that you want to tell me, right?"

… " _I like you"_

"…What makes you say that?" the detective looked at the space ahead of him from the magician's shoulder, pondering what his perceptive amber-eyed companion would advise him to do in this situation. Nevertheless, he was more than glad that he wouldn't have to look straight into those indigo eyes and make up something believable. Shinichi was never a good liar.

The magician shrugged, lightening up the mood with his cheerful reply, "I'm your best friend, Shin-chan. I just have to take one look at you to know what you're thinking", followed by a triumphant hum.

… " _I like you"_

The detective offered a snort in return. Although amused, he didn't find it in him to entertain the thought.

"I won't force you to say it if you don't want to, Shin-chan. Just take your time…" he lowered his voice in a more serious tone, reassuring the detective with a pat on the back.

… " _I like you"_

Shinichi nodded wordlessly, welcoming the comforting gesture. Ocean blue eyes once again leveled his gaze at the vacant space ahead,

" _Shinichi, what does 'happily ever after' entails?" Moonlit eyes wide, she voiced, watching the cheesiest rom-com ever come to an end…_

He never did seriously sit down and give it a thought. But right now, he would be able to give her an answer…

For Penelope, it was a pair of rings, vows, and a bind to Lapis forever and ever.

For Estrella, it was her freedom from her duty, her father's dignity regained, and Astro's everything.

For Astro, it was his mother's love, his family's conflicts resolved, and Penelope's affection.

For Shinichi, what he had was nowhere near 'happily ever after', but it was enough. He didn't need something as grand as a wedding, as concrete as a ring, or as eternal as a vow. His happiness was a pair of indigo eyes, a dazzling smile, and a witty remark. His happiness was Friday nights binge watching terrible mystery thrillers together. It was cringing over each other's drink choice at every chance. It was trying to write a heist note together and arguing for hours on how it turned out. It was right now, when he had the other in his arms, without having to worry about anything else.

…It was messy, chaotic, unconventional, but, Shinichi decided, it was the closest to 'happily ever after' he'd ever have.

* * *

 **I'm really sorry that it took like a year for me to update. I was really happy with how it turned out, and I hope you guys are, too. Hopefully, the next chapter would be not for long since summer break is coming soon. But don't hold me on that. I'm really no good with keeping up with self-made deadlines. Also, thank you for all of your support. I really appreciate it.**

 **Well, as always, I hope you had fun reading!**

 **-Crystalette**


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